- “Resilience is about dealing with rejection and criticism more than just dealing with your own failure.”
- Just like any other habit, resilience needs to be cultivated and practiced consistently in order to sustain the effects long term. In this episode, Brendon shares his perspectives on how you can reframe your current situations in order to become more resilient and succeed in your dreams.
- “Resilience is the ability to not only take criticism from others but take off comparison. Resilience is about you getting back into your flow, into your authenticity, into your actions, not the world. That’s real resilience.”
- If you’re looking to build more resilience and self-esteem to tackle your dreams, this episode is for you!
- Watch the video to get the full teaching!
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Motivation With Brendon Burchard. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, Motivation With Brendon Burchard has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
1. Be Wary Of Your Fear Of Rejection
There are two things I need you to be resilient at in the dream. Number one: You’ve got to deal with rejection and your fear about what other people think. Most people think resilience is just, Oh, just get back up and go. Where do most people fall down, though? Most people fall down into the fear of rejection. That’s the number one place. Over and over and over. I’ve been doing this for a long time. Most people lack resilience not because they’re not mentally strong. See, in pop psychology, we get this wrong. You read all these articles on resilience. So many of them, so many of them are about just the feeling of being dejected or upset or how to deal with failure, which we’ll talk about.
But the most often need for resilience comes from the reality of rejection and judgment.
Other people criticizing you kills the dream. You have the target, you have the habits. You’re even enjoying life. And then you got that jerk of a spouse, a team member, somebody in your community, the gal next door, somebody jumps into judgment at you and you react. You hit the floor and you don’t get back up.
2. Don’t Value Their Opinions Over Your Own Ambitions
You’ve made their opinion of you more important than your alignment with your dream. You’ve made their opinion of you more important than your alignment with your dream. And that killed the dream. You chose their opinion over your dream. You chose their opinion over your dream. You chose their opinion over your dream. Over and over and over and over again. Even though you knew what to do, you knew the target and you had the alignment. But you chose their opinion over and over and over. That to me is what a lack of resilience really means.
Resilience is about dealing with rejection and criticism more than just dealing with your own failure.
In my opinion, we are social animals and we are so driven by the need to belong. We want to be accepted and loved, seen, heard, understood, listened to, admired, and appreciated. We want to be cheered on so much and when that doesn’t happen, we believe that is related to the dream when there are separate things. A person’s opinion is way different than the dream. They’re separate, but in our mind, we combine them and if we don’t get acceptance, we think the dream is gone.
3. Separate “Support” From The Dream
You don’t need other people’s understanding or acceptance for you to make progress toward what matters to you in life. As soon as you get that, you have real personal agency in life. Soon as you get that, you’re back the author of your own life, you write your story again. The second you realize that “Wow, their opinion, their understanding, even their appreciation, even their love is not necessary for me to do my daily habit”, that’s the breakthrough.
Like it was not necessary for my friends to believe I could be a writer for me to sit down and write. No one had to cheer me on for me to sit down and write. As I’m filming this for you guys, I will let you know and be totally honest with you. There are millions of people in the world who don’t like me, who told me, “What are you doing on the internet? Who do you think you are? I read your book. It wasn’t better than this other book. I like this other book. You suck”. I mean, the meanest possible things have been said to me to my face at events or on stages. Why? Because if you deal with millions of people, you’re going to get some jerks. It just happens. It doesn’t surprise me. I’m like, “That’s part of the process.” I don’t need everyone to like me. If I needed everybody to like me, I would never have had this opportunity to serve with you right now. I would never enjoy my dream the way that I do.
4. Don’t Try To Measure Up To Others
That’s why it’s like other people’s opinions who are trying to measure up to other people. It’s not on my radar. Me measuring up to them has nothing to do with my daily alignment. What do I mean by that? Well, often in my career especially, people get discouraged. They get discouraged because they measure up to other people. Oh, well, she has a million followers. Look at her, quote cards versus mine. I guess I’ll stop. Well, her quote cards have nothing to do with my daily habit of writing and posting. Do you follow?
Resilience is the ability to not only take criticism from others but take off comparison. Resilience is about you getting back into your flow, into your authenticity, into your actions, not the world. That’s real resilience.
That’s the resilience that matters in the dark hours. That’s the resilience that moves the needle for you in progress. Because listen, even when you fail, most of the time, when you fail, you’re just embarrassed to have been seen failing by other people. It’s still critical and it’s still comparison killing the dream.
But when you can move forward and when you struggle, when you start small, when you look silly, when people don’t get it and you can feel that you’ll you’ll always feel it. I still feel it. You will always feel criticism and comparison. You will never be free as a human being. From that to what we know, maybe people have never, ever achieved that on earth. At least the doctors like sound like Jesus did maybe Buddha. It is like like to be free from that and totally enlightened. Hey, maybe you’re conscious and you’re there and you’ve achieved. I don’t know many people, even the Dalai Lama, who I’ve been blessed to be with three times now, he’ll talk about how he even feels it. It’s hard. That’s what resilience requires. It it’s a realignment almost back to your authenticity, back towards your dream, back toward your actions. Even when you don’t measure up and they don’t approve. Can I get a man on a weak day? Ladies and gentlemen, this will change your life. This will change your life. This will shift. So much for you. I mean, I can’t even tell you when you separate your daily habits from their opinions and measure up to them. And you show up in alignment with your daily habits. Magic. You be, like, stunned by the progress when you let them discourage you and you stop and you choose their reality over your dream. That’s where the dream is killed.