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- “Everyone thinks that the dream lives in a destination. And I always say, ‘No, the dream lives in the activities that you do today.’ Are you doing today what you would do if you had the outcomes you seek?”
- Have you ever run out of patience for your dream? You’ve worked hard for a long time and haven’t had the results you wanted. It’s taking much longer than you thought it would to make progress. Here are four tips to try and remember the next time you’re losing your patience.
- “If you’re losing patience for your dream, you’re probably chasing the dream by yourself.”
- Watch the video to get the full training.
- Patience along your journey will come from connecting with the activity you do everyday that brings you joy. Watch the full episode to learn how!
- To preserve your patience and pick up your motivation, complete the worksheet for this training here.
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
We get so many messages from people saying, “Brendon, I’m just losing my patience for my dream. I’m working, I’m struggling, and I’m just not breaking through. I’m not earning the money, or seeing the progress and it’s bothering me.” And I know that that happens for all of us as we’re chasing a big dream. It never comes overnight, right? There’s no such thing as an overnight success. It is usually a lot of people who’ve been very patient, diligent, disciplined, and giving in their process to finally reaching whatever that success is. But I have some ideas for you, especially if you’re in your 20’s, your 30’s, and you’re thinking, “Oh my gosh, it’s just not going to happen.” And I definitely get that, because I spent almost all of my 20’s working 24/7.
I was in the grind at a corporate job working nonstop for other people and didn’t have real control of my life. The pressure I felt at work was insane. I just remember thinking sometime in my mid-20’s, “Am I ever going to do what I really want to do?” At that time, I was trying to save up my money, I was trying to pay rent, and my dream was still in the back of my mind. Our dreams sometimes become a thing on the back burner, so you can maintain an overall quality of life. For most people, they can’t just all of a sudden quit everything and start pursuing their dream. For a lot of people, it’s a side hustle, or it’s a longer period of waiting until they can move somewhere, find something, and begin something new.
I share my own struggle with you because you know what? There are four things that I believe will really help you if you’re in that place where you’re like, “I’m kind of doing my dream” or, “I fully committed to the dream, but I’m not feeling the joy, or the sense of breakthrough or abundance that I feel like I deserve.”
So here are four big ideas that I learned going through that exact thing.
1. Focus on Passion-Drawing Activities
Number one is to focus on doing activities that draw your passion. Don’t focus on the success, the outcome, the final goal, or the final destination. A lot of our discouragement stems from trying to make a specific thing happen. And we have a way in which we think it has to happen. I know a lot of people who actually did this! They worked diligently for years to manifest their dream. They achieved the outward appearance of that success with their big house and nice cars. They’ve got the yachts, the boats, the fancy vacations. Yet, they’re unhappy because along the way they were focusing on those external things versus the activities that bring them joy, passion, and fulfillment.
People compromise on the activities that are actually part of the dream, so that they can have “the dream,” right? It’s that person who works a job that sucks for 20 years to save up enough money to finally quit that job to follow the dream they really wanted to do. So for 20 years, they did things they weren’t even passionate about, fooling themselves and saying, “Well, I just need to save so that one day, I can finally be able to pursue my dream.”
Realistically, that mindset really doesn’t make any sense. Don’t give up 20 or 30 years of your life doing something you aren’t passionate about in hopes of earning the right to do the things you actually want to do. Start doing the activities you enjoy and make you feel challenged, creative, satisfied, fulfilled, or on fire now!
Everyone thinks that the dream lives in a destination. And I always say, “No, the dream lives in the activities that you do today.” Are you doing today what you would do if you had the outcomes you seek?
Because I know a lot of wealthy people who feel miserable in their lives. They’ve achieved outward success, but they’re miserable because they’re not doing the activities that actually bring them joy and fulfillment.
So, if you need patience throughout this journey, it will come from connecting with the activity you do everyday that brings you joy. Don’t wait to have the dream, follow the dream. And if everyday you experience that joy, you’re actually following your dream, and you won’t feel discouraged. There’s almost no dream that you could have that you can’t be proactively striving towards every single day. There is some activity every single day that is actually a part of the dream.
I have a friend who has a dream of becoming a world-class chef. So they started to save all this money to go to culinary school. They were working terrible jobs, but they would justify that unhappiness by saying, “I’m going to be a chef one day.” I hung out with this person long enough to say, “Hey, man, I know that your dream is to become a chef, but you don’t even cook right now.” And they would reply, “No, I’m working to save to go to culinary school so one day, I can be a chef.” I’m like, “No! You can be a chef right now. Cook dinner tonight in an artistic, fun way. Touch the dream now. Stop delaying the dream for some outcome of a perfect future. And do the activities of the dream everyday.”
For example, I had my corporate job in my 20’s. I was working so hard, but I knew that in my heart, I wanted to be a writer. I’ve been blessed now to have six best-selling books, but when I was in my 20’s, I didn’t have that.
I wanted to be a New York Times best-selling author. I wanted to go out on tour. I wanted to know my readers. I wanted to write things I was passionate about. But I was waiting too long to follow this dream. Finally, after six years of that corporate job, I admitted to myself that I wasn’t taking the necessary steps to become a writer. Why? Because I wasn’t practicing in any activity that would help me reach my dream.
So first, ask yourself, “Am I doing the activities of the dream, now?” If you do them, you’ll be more patient along the journey because you are experiencing a taste of it now. So try to look at your life schedule. Are you building those activities associated with your dream?
2. Consistently Master Necessary Skills
Number two. Patience is easier when you are constantly learning mastery. I often tell my students, “Make sure you know the five critical skills you will need to develop to become world-class at whatever you want to do.”
For my dream, I would have to master not just writing, but how to promote a book, how to build my brand, how to run a business, and how to communicate on video and on stage. In the beginning, I had no idea how to do any of that. And I am still learning how to master those skills! It’s not easy. But because I was always studying how to do all that, I was more patient.
Learning is giving you progress and is readying you for that moment you get a big break. Learning makes patience easier because your mind feels more competent. It’s like, “You know what? I’m learning here. At least I’m getting some momentum. Maybe the doors aren’t opening. Maybe the bank account isn’t filling up. But my mind is getting sharper at this. I’m developing skills.” And when you develop skill, you mind says, “Hey, progress, we’re doing okay.” When the mind says, “Hey, progress, we’re doing okay,” patience is so much easier. When you’re sitting there detached from the dream, not doing the activities of the dream, and you’re not learning, you really fall into complete detachment from progress. And now, you just give up because the mind lacks a sense of growth.
3. Don’t Do It Alone
Third big idea! This one is really important.
If you’re losing patience for your dream, you’re probably chasing the dream by yourself.
You’ve neglected to develop friendships with other people who you interact with who are also doing the activities of the dream.
As a coach, you guys see me on YouTube and Instagram creating videos all the time with our challenges, courses, and podcasts. But believe it or not, in reality I’m much more introverted. I can go out and just crush it in an arena of 30,000 people no problem. But after, I need to retreat and just not talk to a human for a while.
And, as a writer, I used to write by myself all the time and I wouldn’t collaborate with anyone. I didn’t have any friends who were writers. And I found myself always feeling impatient. I would ask myself, “Is this book ever going to happen? Am I ever going to get published? Am I ever going to have a best-seller?” I was losing patience because I didn’t have community.
When you have a community of friends who you can call and go, “You know what? Today sucked, I didn’t get anything done. I didn’t create. I’m just not feeling it anymore. I wonder if I should quit?” Just remember that they are on the path with you. They’re cheering you on saying, “Hey, no, don’t quit. Listen to that dream that was sewn in your heart. Follow that, work for that, earn that.”
Having positive friends who are on the same journey is one of the most critical things that people fail to set up.
Students will say, “Well, Brendon, I just don’t have any friends so I guess I’m going to fail.” I tell them to go make friends! Go volunteer for an organization that’s doing something related to your dream.
Because, guess who volunteers? Good people, giving people, people who want to make a difference. People are willing to give their time, money, and effort toward good causes. Get around them.
And as you’re around them, start asking, “Do you know anyone who does this thing?” I just started getting around everybody in volunteer organizations when I was coming up in my 20’s. I would say, “Hey, do you know anyone who’s a writer? Someone who writes articles, or blogs, or books, and they’re good at it?” And these people I was volunteering with would say, “Oh, yeah, I know this person,” or, “Talk to this person.” I’d get an introduction. I’d ask them to go out to lunch, and I would just ask them questions.
And then we became friends. And the next thing I know, we’re going to lunch, we’re going to the bar, we’re hanging out. And now, I’m in that world.
When you are in the world of your dream, it’s here. You’re touching it daily because of your social relationships. So make sure you develop friends who are doing what you want to do. It will carry you through those dark days when, otherwise, you’d strive by yourself.
4. Honor the Struggle
Last big idea, and I know you guys have heard me talk about this a lot. You have to teach your mind to honor the struggle.
You have to teach your mind everyday you’re discouraged. Instead of saying, “Well, I guess I’ll quit. I suck. This is no good, and it’s never going to happen,” you have to take control of the self-talk, and honor the struggle.
Literally tell your mind how to deal with the process. Tell your mind, “This process, this hardship, this struggle—it’s conditioning me to be ready for the dream to succeed. This part of the struggle that I hate right now, it’s developing character, it’s making me force it, it’s helping me challenge, it’s making me grow.”
In other words, anticipate the fire. Anticipate the difficulty. Anticipate that it’s going to suck. Anticipate the days that you just don’t like it.
I’m a high-performance coach. I’m blessed to work with some of the most extraordinary people in the world. And some of my favorite clients in the past have been working with the US military. Have you ever heard that Green Beret conversation where they use this phrase, “Embrace the suck”? Army special forces will say, “Embrace the suck. Yeah, this sucks. But it makes us awesome. Let’s dig in, let’s get better. Let’s skill up. Let’s use this to build our character, our strengths, our skills, our ability to win in the future.”
So all the things that suck right now, you’re like, “Oh my God, I can’t figure this out”—it’s going to make you better. And I don’t mean this just philosophically. Let me give you an example.
At the very beginning of my writing career, I went completely broke. I mean totally broke, totally bankrupt. Literally nothing. Wiped out clean. Because I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know how to write a book. I didn’t know how to make money. I didn’t know how to promote it. Just completely wiped out—a hundred percent. To the point where I couldn’t even have credit cards because it had gone to bankruptcy.
So they took the credit cards. I had no credit, nothing. I had a debit card, and no money on it. It was the worst time. I remember as I’m going through this, thinking, “And I want to be a personal development guy? I want to be a life coach? I want to be a high-performance coach one day? I want to inspire people? And I can’t afford a burrito?”
It was miserable. But I said, “No, this is going to teach you to be frugal. This is going to teach you to manage cash. This is going to teach you to be resourceful when everybody else has fancy stuff. You’re going to outperform them with stuff that isn’t as great. You’re going to learn to be a resourceful human and prioritize being innovative and creative, versus just having all this stuff.”
So I didn’t have the fancy cameras. I wrote, I borrowed a three-legged table from my mom from the sewing room, and I would type on that. I borrowed a laptop from somebody to write my book. I was pinching every penny and dime to afford rent. And when I couldn’t afford rent, I had to move in with my girlfriend. I had to ask friends for help and support, and it was so humbling. Notice I said humbling. I didn’t say embarrassing. I didn’t say shameful. I didn’t say sad. I didn’t say discouraged. It was humbling.
People who get success, they earn that. Right now, I’m earning it. I’m putting in the miles, I’m dealing with the hardship. I’m going to honor this struggle as part of the process.
“Keep a good attitude, Brendon, because if you can survive this, you can build anything. If you can rise from this, you can crush anything. If you deal with this emotional hardship now, you will have intellectual, physical, spiritual, emotional confidence for life.
If you deal with this tragedy, difficulty, suckness now, then when it gets easier, you won’t give up and you won’t quit.”
Because you know what happens? A lot of people do achieve their dream. And guess what? Once you achieve your dream? Guess what? You don’t have the dream anymore. You’ve got the goal, and you made it happen. Now you show up and there’s all this smooth sailing, and all is easy.
You know what a lot of people do when they get success the way they perceived it? They become tragic losses.
They lose their drive. They lose their motivation. They aren’t happy. They’re like, “I worked so hard to get this. I got it, and now I’m not fulfilled. I’m not satisfied. Life isn’t greater.”
And guess what? A lot of those people complain the whole way. Then they got it. And then when they got it, they’re still a complainer.
What are you without all of the things? You’re who you became as you strived.
So what I’m here to tell you is along this process, along this struggle, every single day, as it sucks, as it’s a grind, it feels like a hustle, when it feels like you’re compromising everything: honor this process as a challenge to you to become a better human, to develop a better attitude, to develop those skills that are required.
Literally, experience it not as a journey to achieve a dream. Experience it as an opportunity to transform. Experience it as an opportunity to grow. Experience it as an opportunity to test your mettle, and ask, “What am I really made of? How can I deal with this, and live a great life right now? Not in 10 years when I hope to make it. How do I live a great life right now?”
If you can’t teach yourself to live a great life right now, when you get financial abundance, or you get the dream where everything happens, guess what? You’re still stuck with you. And if you can’t teach yourself to be satisfied, joy-filled, emotionally connected, happy, fulfilled now…I’m here to tell you, I’ve coached literally the most impressive people on the planet, people who are on covers of magazines, spiritual leaders, presidents of the United States.
Having the experience of working at the top echelons of every organization at the top levels, I can tell you that there are a lot of people who do get the dream. And because they were not patient, and they didn’t develop themselves along the way, they hurried into it.
They complained, crashed, and grinded into it. They get there, they compromise their integrity. They compromise their health. They never taught themselves to be happy. So they got everything, and they’re still unhappy. And you’re like, “You have everything. How are you unhappy?” It’s because they never taught themselves along the journey to honor it, and use it as a training ground for being their best selves everyday.
I hope this gives you some thoughts. My friends, here in Team HPX, we call you Team HPX because we really believe everybody wants to be more vibrant, connected, and excellence-driven in everything they do.
HPX stands for the high performance experience. I’m here to tell you, you can live the high performance experience—literally now. Stop thinking one day you’ll be next level, world class, best, rich, happy, fulfilled. Do that now.
Live today as a wealthy individual. You feel wealth in your mindset. You feel wealth in your abundance of life. You feel wealth because you’re alive. You feel wealth because you’re gifted this beautiful breath. You feel wealth, and joy, and fulfillment now because the little things—the way the cat is, the way the dog is, the way that beautiful person was today who was kind to you, the opportunities you have in front of you, the internet that’s free of learning just like this.
There are so many things along your journey to achieve your dream that you can appreciate, notice, and be fulfilled from. I just want to share with you that I got to have that experience because many of you all along my career have cheered me on.
So, Team HPX, all of you striving for the high performance experience in life, I appreciate your striving. I appreciate you being part of this community. I’m going to ask you to do two simple things:
Number one, subscribe to this video and comment on what we are doing here. Number two, share this one with somebody who’s unhappy or impatient, or who’s about to give up. Give them the gift of this episode. Send it to three friends you know who are a little discouraged, who are a little down.
The truth is, if they will just keep focusing on doing the activities that they enjoy, and that are part of the dream, even if it’s just a little taste of it, if they can develop the critical skills needed, if they can get friends like you who support them, and if they can just honor the struggle along the way, then when they arrive there, they will arrive there as a great person who already knows how to be happy.
I hope this one serves you. Until next time, as Denise my wife always says, “Everyday, you can go out and choose to be average, or you can choose to be extraordinary.”
So, my friends, go be extraordinary.