SUMMARY

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)

So much about the mental health conversation is appropriately about self-awareness, it’s about, you know, mindfulness. It’s about taking care of our stressors. And a lot of it is that solo work that we all have to do for self-mastery.

1. Aliveness

And at GrowthDay, I was talking about that wellness triangle that what we all really want, after you’ve had everything, is first and foremost, we want aliveness.

We want that sense of aliveness where there’s energy, there’s pop, there’s a vibrancy, a presence, a spirit to our life. And guess what? A lot of your aliveness in life actually comes from your friendships.

Right? Think about some of your favorite moments of your life. They were either with family, friends or lovers. Right? Or lover. I don’t if it’s plural for you. I’ve got to tell you, this is gonna be a fun one today. You have to decide like, oh, wait, wait a minute. Do I feel alive? And I can tell you, if you have a sense like, “Oh, gosh, I just don’t feel alive anymore.” We got to get to the root of that. And a big part of that is how you are structuring your social reality. And very few people don’t do that.

I must share with you a secret today, just a simple phrase. You’ll go, “Oh, my gosh. That’s one my friendships aren’t going right.” So you’re going to love this session. I say that the triangle right of well-being, that we talk about GrowthDay, aliveness is one of the things we all want after you had everything else. Right?

2. Connection

Another thing we want is connection. We’re not after casual friendships here today, we’re like, how do I create authentic, deep, trusting, vulnerable, fun, real relationships? Because how many of you have ever had friendships that turned out to be fake? You thought you had a good friendship and that thing turned out to be not so good or poisonous or, you know, somebody, like they weren’t loyal to you as a friend or they, lied to you or, you know, something went wrong. You thought how could that happen to that relationship? And I also say that friendships are a science of relationships. It’s about how you create relationships with others. And I’m going to give you, again, a phrase that will really help you with us today.

3. Meaning

And then if it’s true that we want aliveness and connection to this triangle, the other thing that we want is meaning.

Well, meaning isn’t achieved just by living your purpose each day in your own head. Meaning is achieved through a social relationship network.

My sense of meaning is, “Do I feel connected to the world?” The world isn’t an abstract thing. It’s not like I feel connected to the oak tree. It’s like, no, I mean, did I feel I made a difference in the world? That’s going to be served and answered through your social impact, your relationships with others.

And I have to tell you after I’ve been coaching people for 20 years of my life now, and a lot of people have one friend. You know, in the United States, unfortunately, the number of people with three good friends has declined over the decades. You’re like three good friends? Oh, we got to talk about that because some people stumble into friendships. Or hope for friendships, just like some people hope to have a loving relationship, just like some people hope to have a good job, just like some people hope that, you know, they get healthier and then there are strivers who take life a little bit by the reins and say, “No, no, no, let me architect that. Let me build that.”

A sense of meaning happens when we have a tapestry of social relationships that are real and impactful.

4. Growth

And then, of course, in the middle, that triangle, you always see me draw out “growth” that your friends should be lifting you up, not pushing you down. Your friends should be inspiring you to get better. Your friends should have your back, but also be willing to challenge your face. Do you know what I’m saying?

Your friends are and should be one of your primary growth drivers in life.

Most people choose ambitious goals to be their growth driver. Like, “Oh, I’m going to do something that’s hard or I’m going to try to achieve this amazing thing. I’m going to try to become a millionaire or make this difference or build this company or, you know, have this type of family.” And it’s this external climb, this thing they’re trying to achieve. And too many people forget. It’s like actually one of the best drivers of growth isn’t your job, isn’t your goals, it’s your friendship circle. And when your friendship circles make you a more alive, deeper, caring, thoughtful, authentic person in the world, I’m telling you what. Guess what? At work, you’re better. At home, you’re better. Your art gets better. Your sense of life lifts.

And so in studying this work deeply over the years, in recognizing how many people are entrepreneurs, high achievers, people who are trying to make a great impact in the world, you’re here today. And sometimes that journey can feel very lonely. Or when you get to the top, it can feel lonely. I can’t believe what my friend and mentor, Brian Tracy, said to me one time. He said, “If it’s lonely at the top, you did it wrong.” I thought, oh, that’s good. That’s good, because maybe sometimes we value today’s progress. We value today getting things done. We value that top mountain of achievement. And then we look around and go, “Oh, nobody really knows me. I don’t feel a connection to others.” Yeah, I got the thing, the house, the car, the bank account, the accolades, the Instagram page, and oh, it’s said, no, something’s missing.

And friendship is one of the greatest vehicles to the real psychology of well-being. That we talk about here at GrowthDay.