How To Be Yourself


  • “Be yourself and be honest. These are life-changing habits because we spend so much of our time trying to conform to the world and in doing so, lying about what we really think, feel, need and desire.”
  • It’s nice when people care about us and honor us, but how do we treat ourselves with grace and kindness? In this episode, get inspired to honor yourself in ways that lift you up so you can generate joy and confidence from within.
  • People pleasers tend to compromise themselves the most. They tend to fail at being themselves the most.”
  • If your self-expression is serving the needs of others, you may be limiting your uniqueness and happiness. You need time for you to be YOU!
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)

1. Develop Your Self-Esteem


Be yourself and be honest. These are life-changing habits because we spend so much of our time trying to conform to the world and in doing so, lying about what we really think, feel, need, and desire.

That’s where most people spend their lives, believe it or not, most people and this sounds really judgmental, but I just work with so many people around the world in their personal development, and it is so clear that a monumental breakthrough for you will come when you can be yourself, which requires you to accept yourself, honor yourself, see yourself, express yourself, love yourself like actually develop the esteem that allows you authentic expression. And most people don’t have the esteem of self that allows authentic expression. That’s what “be yourself” really means. Well, first you have to know yourself, care about yourself, and express yourself. That’s what that means “be yourself”. First, know: who am I? What’s important to me? What do I care about? Care about myself. Have esteem.

I’m worth it. I deserve it. I deserve to be a unique being in this world who gets to enjoy their authenticity and their creativity and their spontaneity. To demonstrate our personality, our strength, and our potential. I deserve that. I’m worthy of that.

And to have the practice of actually expressing it because being yourself requires the actual “being” part. Right? Showing up that way.

2. Be Honest With Yourself

But being yourself is there’s always like a divider line thereof also being honest.

Because what we do is we compromise ourselves to belong, to receive love, to be accepted. In our acts of seeking our social belonging and love, we tend to lie about who we are because we want to conform and be like others.

See, we want to be like others to be accepted by others, which is not the same as being ourselves. Raise your hand if you followed that on a weird Wednesday. Do you know what I’m saying?

3. Don’t Hide What You Really Want

So, you hide what you perceive as your weirdness. You hide what you perceive as your inadequacy. You hide what you perceive as what you should be shameful about. And just as important, you hide or you leave unexpressed what you actually think or need or feel or have as goals because those might not see fit within the box of other people’s demands or expectations. And gosh, if you don’t fit within their box, they might not like you. This is, you know, the socialization of the human being. This is what we all experience globally, worldwide and in every culture around the world is this seeking beyond the self of social acceptance and belonging that tends to compromise our own character?

And until we do real conscious personal development work, we don’t know that we’re living in the cage of conformity.

And this isn’t to be, you know, overly dramatic. We all compromise in some ways. We forget to set the boundary of what’s truthful, and what we really want to desire. We don’t share our goals with enough people.

4. Serve Yourself, Not Just Others

Someone says, hey, can you take care of this? And you’re like, oh, yeah, I gotcha. And in your brain, you’re like, oh, shit, I can’t, I can’t do it. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

But, you know, you are a people pleaser and people pleasers tend to compromise themselves the most. They tend to fail at being themselves the most. And because they’re spending so much time placating and pleasing other people, they haven’t seen themselves, honored themselves, or express themselves in a long time.

Their expressions of self are actually serving others. Y’all follow that? Their expression of self is actually serving the needs of others, which is different than expressing yourself. It’s two different – it’s two very different things. Moms, you need time for you to do it yourself. Not just be a servant to the family. Spouses and partners, you need time to do you. Not just be in service only to the relationship. Leaders and companies, you need time to do you. Not just be in meeting after meeting, helping everybody else out. Being ourselves requires setting those types of boundaries.

And I’ll remind you, Pro members, you got an entire masterclass of replays on this topic of setting boundaries from, you know, nine different, very diverse coaches with different life experiences. You know, full hour training on this topic for those who are the struggling people pleasers out there, because, you know, many of us have been like that. And at some point your breakthrough is when you realize that and this is not making anybody be like, wow, Brendon, you know, sure thinks little of us to say these things. I’m like, this is one of Oprah’s greatest breakthroughs she ever had was realizing she was a people pleaser and what it was costing her and her own happiness and uniqueness. So this is not like, oh, whoa, was us were all terrible – it was like, no, every human being goes through this. Again, it’s the socialization of the human being. We just have to be conscious, and aware of it as we grew older. So, my point here is about the habit of being yourself and expressing yourself.