- “I believe that we feel like we matter when we are encouraging others.”
- Feeling like you don’t matter and don’t have a true purpose in life? In this episode, find out how purpose and meaning are simply encouraging yourself and those around you.
- “Be a force of encouragement in the world, not antagonism, then you’ll start to recognize the goodness of the world and feel good because that is your deep human and spiritual nature. Your role is to be a person of connection with others and that draws from love, not from hate.”
- We all want to feel good. In this episode, discover the power of using encouragement to make others and yourself feel more connected and fulfilled.
- Watch the video to get the full training.
- Already have the High Performance Planner and CRUSHING each and every day? Let’s celebrate you! Take a photo with your planner and use #GrowthDay so we can find you on social media!
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Motivation With Brendon Burchard. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, Motivation With Brendon Burchard has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
1. Avoid an Antagonistic Attitude
Make sure you encourage others daily. Every day, encourage somebody. I don’t care if it’s, “All I got in my life is my mom.” Great, send her a text every day. Well, Brendon, I only have this one person, these three people. Great. Send them a text every day. Call them every day. Drop a cute note every day. Drop a voice message every day. I don’t care. Send them a meme. I don’t.
Just connect. But I believe that we feel like we matter when we are encouraging others.
When we can recognize our own struggles, our own journey, and the difficulties of life, we are more capable of serving other people and encouraging them. And in our world right now, so many people don’t feel like they matter because they got pulled into the divisive culture. They got pulled into this darkness where their dominant mental frame of others is judgment, criticism, labeling, and blaming. So whatever they see— “Now, look what she’s wearing”, whatever they read— “Look what he said”. Outrage. Everything they see is antagonistic. And they have learned to be in an antagonism mode. Divisiveness mode, labeling, and judging mode. And they’re wondering why they feel so terrible about life, why they feel so terrible in and of themselves.
Do you want to change that? Make your dominant frame encouragement of others. Somebody struggling to communicate. Encourage them to find their voice. Encourage them to think it through. Someone struggling in a relationship. Encourage them to ask for what they need. Somebody just even going through it, and they’re already successful and they’re posting a win, instead of like, “well, sure, that’s easy for you.” Ok, now, that was funny. Instead, when they’re struggling or they’re succeeding, you cheer them on. Even the person, they’re posting their win, they’re so proud that they bought this gift for their family or they got that new house or even they got that private jet. You can judge it, label it, criticize it, hate them, or you can also encourage it. Hey, well done. Good for you. See you’re trying hard. Know you’re going through this.
Be a force of encouragement in the world, not antagonism.
2. Connect with Others
You’ll start to recognize the goodness of the world. You start to feel good again because that is your deeply human and spiritual nature is to be a person of connection with others that draws from love, not from hate, that seeks to do something good with others, versus tearing down everybody in your community. This antagonism, as it separates us and divides us, the antagonism starts to drive us because now we’re self-righteous, and it’s everybody’s fault that I don’t have good human connections. It’s their fault that I feel terrible without realizing, No, no, no, you cut off the wellspring. You cut off the wellspring of love, of goodness, of human nature that is caring and compassionate and empathetic and thoughtful and loving and kind. And when you cut off the wellspring of that very human nature, I would call it that divine nature within, when you cut off that source, you can’t blame others for how they make you feel. But that’s what we do when we have an antagonistic lens.
3. Avoid Knee-Jerk Blaming or Judging
Everybody else, it’s their fault. Everybody else is dumber. Everybody else is irresponsible. Everyone’s an idiot. Everybody’s, you know, mean. Everybody’s this, that, or the other thing.
And as we blame, complain, label, and judge, we keep pushing down the very forces trying to come up and say, I love people. I love people.
But the truth is, I got hurt one time. I love people, but the truth is, I don’t love myself. I love people, but the truth is I’m scared of what they think. I love people, but I want to try anymore because, you know, people are mean to me. I love people, but I can’t. I love people. And you go through this whole thing and what you realize is at the end of the day, you give so much time to antagonistic thoughts toward others that you forget to encourage the people around you. But as you encourage them, a flourishing relationship happens at a level you can’t understand. When was the last time you really encouraged your son? When was the last time you really encouraged your daughter? When was the last time you encouraged your spouse? When was the last time you really encouraged the people you work with? How often do you do that? Because now here’s what happens. Some of you go, I don’t. I’m terrible. That’s the trick with personal development. Some people hear an idea. They judge themselves. They decide for themselves they don’t matter, that they’re awful, they’re unworthy, and that they should shame themselves. Other people hear an idea and go, “That’s a great new habit. I can do better.”
4. Be Open to New Ideas
So today, is there anything I share that you could do better? Not beat yourself down about it, but do better of. That’s the magic of personal development thinking, the growth mindset, right? Personal growth. More days of growth. Where I say, Oh, that’s something I can get better at. Not, I’m so shameful that I don’t matter enough. I’m so ashamed that I don’t do a good job here. No, it’s a practice. You can get better at these things as you get better at everything I talked about today, I promise. You don’t even have to worry about the outcome. The outcome of you feeling that life is more beautiful, more meaningful and that you matter, will take care of itself. And that was my goal today. Give you some insight, some questions, some perspective, maybe some practices or ideas, some mindsets that if you’ll follow these and just get better in every one of these little areas, it’s a tiny little bit. Let the outcome take care of itself.
One day you’ll wake up. It’s a much brighter, shinier morning. It’s a more beautiful life. You’ll sense your worth again. You’ll sense how much things really do matter right now with people around you. That life is a gift, that this moment is a gift, that what you’ve already been through, that all mattered what you’re going to go through, that all matters because you get to decide that. You get to feel that connection. You get to determine that meeting. You get to determine that meaning. You get to perpetuate that very feeling, that you matter. I appreciate you being in GrowthDay. I appreciate you doing the work with me. I appreciate the opportunity to serve you here every single day with the Daily Fire in GrowthDay, with my opportunity to be here with our Wednesday Wisdoms, with the opportunity to do these, you know, first-of-the-month type training. I want to thank every one of you. I want you to realize you matter to us. You matter to more people than you know. And your future really matters. So keep building yourself up. Keep getting better. Every day is a great day to grow.