How to Know That You Matter


  • “If you’re emphasizing the perfect outcome versus engaging in the process, you will rarely feel like you matter.”
  • Do not place meaning and value on gaining prestige in life? In this episode, learn how to focus on showing up and helping others — regardless of the outcome.
  • I don’t know what your beliefs are, but what I do know is it’s almost empowering to recognize what matters is here, now.
  • With so much negativity and uncertainty going on in the world, it’s easy to forget your own worth. In this episode, remind yourself of the value of one of the most important people in your life; you!
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Motivation With Brendon Burchard. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, Motivation With Brendon Burchard has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)

1. Don’t Derive Meaning From Prestige

Strive and serve free from outcome. Those who read any Eastern philosophies or spiritual work, you know, whether it’s you know, Buddhism, whether it is more ancient ways of thinking, was the idea was show up, work hard, help other people, but free yourself from the expectation of the outcome. This is hard because a lot of people have mattered, but they didn’t get the outcome they thought, so they didn’t integrate that they mattered. Does that make sense? They’re like, I thought if I did that for other people, I’d become famous. And so they don’t feel like they mattered because what they’re focusing on is, did I become famous? Did not? No, then I don’t matter versus focusing on: I showed up and helped people.

Meaning, if you’re emphasizing the perfect outcome versus engaging in the process, you will rarely feel like you matter.

Your focus is on this thing that you can’t control or contribute to. And if there is no connection to that outcome in your mind, you go, well, I guess I didn’t matter. I guess I did all that, I did all that, I didn’t matter.

2. Don’t Derive Your Sense of Meaning From What Others Think

I was talking with a mom recently. She has a daughter who just turned 22 years old. And for the first 21 years of her daughter’s life, her daughter liked her, and then her daughter turned 22. She doesn’t know why, but all of a sudden, at 22, this daughter no longer likes her mom and she feels like she doesn’t matter all of a sudden. I said, well, did you feel like you mattered five years ago? She goes, yeah. I said, why? Well, my daughter liked me. I said, so your sense of whether or not you matter in life depends on whether or not at this moment today someone likes you and approves of you. Do you see how ridiculous that thinking is? So, the process of being an amazing mom for 21 years goes out the door. I don’t matter because now my daughter doesn’t like me. I did all that for nothing.

Focusing on an outcome and most outcomes are immediate. We forget that outcomes are entirely changeable over a period of time. We lose perspective.

We zero in on what’s wrong today, and we feel wrong versus recognizing this woman made incredible choices throughout her life to care for this daughter. She’s – she’s got enough meaning and mattering points to last five lifetimes.

3. Don’t Get Attached to the Outcomes

For parents who are disengaged and don’t care, this woman gave so much, but she never gave herself the gift of feeling like she matters. Why? Because people get too attached to the outcomes of life. When you learn to show up and to serve and to do it free from whether or not the world gives you the exact outcome you expected, you start to find more enjoyment in life. When you have more enjoyment in life, you start feeling like it matters. When you feel like you do everything and it doesn’t turn out exactly and purposeful and perfect, now it feels like nothing you do matters. And when it feels like nothing you do matters because you don’t get the exact outcome you want and that’s your daily reality, no wonder you don’t feel like you matter.

So, this is why even the Buddha taught us to strive earnestly, meaning show up, be intentional, renew your enthusiasm, and serve, but don’t be so attached to how they respond or to what you get, or to what level you get.

4. Focus on Doing What You Want to Do

You know, people are always like, how do you – Brendon, you’ve been doing this career for a long time. You know, do you ever compare yourself to other people? You know, other people have more likes or more views or whatever. You can talk to my team. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to my team, like, you know, someone else has more views than me. I’ve been doing this for a long time, since literally the invention of Facebook. Like, listen, I’ve never had that conversation. I don’t care. What I care about is consistently releasing goodness to the world. What comes back to us? Sometimes it turns out it comes back as a number one New York Times best-selling book. Other times, I don’t even make the list. Sometimes I have a video. Man, it really takes off. Other times, the one I think would be amazing, no one watched. Guess what? Doesn’t make any difference to how I show up.

I’m going to show up. I’m going to serve. I’m going to teach. I’m going to coach. I’m going to write because I find purpose and meaning in that. And I’m free from the outcome.

I’m also humble enough that I’ve read enough spirituality in my life and studied enough history, I know, and this sounds terrible for some of you, and this is so hard for some of you and I get it, but – and it might even sound stoic and meaning in stoicism to you, that decades from now, generations from now, the odds that anyone would remember me is so tiny. And guess what? It doesn’t bother me at all. Think about that. The odds. I mean, think about even now, how many people when you think back, one, two, and three generations in your own family. Do you know their names? Maybe you go down the street and you recognize some buildings and they got a name on the building. Maybe one or two or three characters like that in your hometowns. But when you’re going back, generations of people, few I mean, few people can even tell you who invented – look around your room. You probably can’t even guess the name of the people who invented the very things all around you. You probably don’t even know who invented that. They invented a thing that’s in your house. Like in your house. They invented it. You don’t even know who invented it, how it works, how they contribute their whole life to create that thing in your house. You don’t even know.

5. Live for NOW, Not the Far Future

And so it’s a very empowering thought to recognize the transience of this world. And the more philosophy or spirituality you understand, it’s like, okay. It doesn’t mean that there might be multiple dimensions or maybe you have multiple lives, or maybe there is an all-knowing God, and you’re earning points to go up there. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but what I do know is it’s almost empowering to recognize what matters here, and now. Me showing up and serving now. I’m not attached to the outcome generations from now, nor am I attached to the outcome in tomorrow’s social media posts. I am going to serve and show up and enjoy now. I’m going to bring some goodness into the world now. And that feels incredible, meaningfully meaningful to me. Why? Because who decides? Think about that. Do future generations decide? Five generations from now? Three generations from now? Is that when you – when your dead, looking down from on high, floating on your cloud with your blueberries and strawberries and the angels floating around and you’re looking down and 300 years from now, someone says, oh, she really mattered. You finally now allow yourself to feel it. When are you going to allow yourself to feel it, babe? When? Ten years from now? When the 22-year-old daughter kind of comes to when she’s 30 and realizes how important you were in her life. Like when? When if not now, my friend?