Dealing with jealousy isn’t easy or pleasant. How do you deal with people in your life who are jealous, while remaining sane and steadfast on your path? Consider these four ideas:
- Affirm or ignore. You get two choices in dealing with jealousy: affirm or ignore. When people are jealous, and you still want them in your life, listen to their concerns and affirm your loyalty to them. All they’re really doing is saying, “I’m afraid you’ll leave me.” Yes, it’s silly that they use anger or jealousy to communicate that – but you have to see through the emotions and meet them where they are. Alternatively, the other option is to simply ignore jealous people. Don’t bend down to their level or use their hurt or false concerns as an excuse to stop pursuing your goals.
- Revisit Your “Why”. If you’re not clear about why you want what you want, then you’re at risk of being derailed by the jealous people who are clawing at you, making negative comments or just side-swiping you with hate online. People get jealous when they see successful people. It’s part of the deal of getting ahead. But if you’re clear on your why you won’t stop when people jeer on the sidelines.
- Improve despite them. When people spew jealousy at you, excel even more. Get better not to spite them but despite them. Yes, people are jealous of short term success; but they also admire long-term success. So, keep at it, get better, develop excellence. The more momentum you get in life, the more believers you’ll enlist along the way.
- Serve Others. People often send jealousy and negativity toward us because they are worried that we’re in it for ourselves – that we’re narcissistic in our striving and that they’ll get left behind. Usually, they just say mean things to check that you’re still human, that you still care. The best way to overcome their concerns is to continue reaching out and helping those on the same path of life who may be just a few yards behind you. Be the servant leader and the jealous clamor fades.
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Charged Life with Brendon Burchard. Please note that this episode, like all TCL episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Charged Life has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of Youtube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
First and foremost, whenever there is ever any judgment or jealousy in general, you have one of two options. You can either affirm the other person, or you can ignore it. Affirming the other person means that you recognize, acknowledge and accept their feelings and experience, and assure them that everything is going to be fine. Let’s say you’re in an intimate relationship with someone who is always jealous. You need to affirm them. You’d say, “I understand that you are jealous, but I love you, honey. Things are going to be fine. Stop worrying about this.”
All you can do is be patient, kind, caring and continually loving through their jealousy.
It’s hard to change people, so all you can do is affirm them.
You need to ignore those people, and not let it hook you.
Don’t let it bring you down to their level, or ever let you stop being on your path.
#2. Revisit Your “Why”
What is it you really want out of life, and why? If you’ve read my book The Motivation Manifesto, you know that our main search is to find the power to truly be ourselves and pursue the things that we really care about, that matter to us.
It’s a pursuit to be ourselves fully, seek those things that enliven us and bring our passions alive.
Get better. Become even more excellent. When people judge you, saying that you have it so easy, go excel even more.
The more momentum you get in life, the more believers you tend to get as well.
Always remember to serve others on your way up. Be humble and grateful for what you have, but don’t forget to also be social with that. A lot of jealousy and negativity that comes at us is because people think that we’re narcissistic, that we’re in it for ourselves, and that we don’t care about anybody else. Or, they’re insecure about getting left behind, so they make weird comments. What they’re really saying is, “Don’t become somebody who is all about the success, money, fame, wealth, accolades or the status.”
They want to know that you’re still human, and the best way to demonstrate that is by reaching out and helping those on the same path of life who may be just a few yards behind you. Help lift them up.