How to Build Greater Connections

  • “Loneliness is not a problem, it is a consequence of practices, that’s all it is. Loneliness is not a disorder, it’s a symptom of bad practices. We sometimes forget to be responsible for our relationships and I really want you to have great relationships.”
  • Meaningful connections form the foundation of happiness, fulfillment, and success. In this episode, Brendon explores practical strategies for deepening your relationships, whether it’s with family, friends, colleagues, or acquaintances.
  • “We all want connection. We want a connection with ourselves, we want to connect with others, and we want to connect to something bigger than ourselves.”
  • If you’re looking for tips on how to build greater connections and relationships in life, this episode is for you!
  • Watch the video to get the full teaching!


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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Motivation With Brendon Burchard. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, Motivation With Brendon Burchard has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)

We all want connection, the connection now we want a connection on usually on three different levels. We want a connection with ourselves. Like the human drive to know thyself is a legend. We want to connect with others and we want to connect with something bigger. Presence, universe, God, spirit, something like that. Weather scientists stare off into the stars in the universe to try to understand our place in it, whether it’s physics or spirituality at the same thing. There’s something for all of us beyond in some way. And so as we try to understand those things, it’s important to know that’s really important. And most people don’t understand how huge this is in personal development on the relationship side.

1. Deep Meaningful Relationships

We want deep, meaningful relationships, deep, meaningful. Let me add it alive, authentic relationships. And you have to build those. You have to what? Build those. You got to build them. Oh, my gosh. Do you have to build them? If you don’t have five amazing friends, five great friends. I want you to do the best gift for yourself ever. We should all access with growth. I want you to get that. I want to upgrade all access. And I want you to go to the learn section. I’ll show it to you tomorrow, I’m sure. And I want you to go. If you didn’t know, you can go to the learn section and you can sort by coach or sort by topic the past classes. We have 200 classes in there from literally the best in the world, the best teachers in the world. And I want you to go and sort by friendship. I know it sounds so crazy, but it was one of the most popular ones we ever did. On how as adults to make great friends. Because many people don’t have any new great friends after college. Many people have one friend and they have no deep, meaningful, live, authentic friendship groups. Do you know we used to say, friendship groups? Did you know that in the research pre-1960s, it was friendship groups were a big concern of sociology and study? I remember used to say peer groups, you all heard this phrase. No one says it anymore in research. Now it’s a friend. It’s bowling alone. It’s the single experience of life. Now it’s a headset where you’re imagining other people there, and there are other people in other rooms around you to go talk to. We’ve lost that real connection. But I hope, if anything here, I hope you meet somebody awesome here. A girl. Who’s that? Somebody awesome at Growth. They already. Would you keep in touch with each other? I hope you will. I want you to challenge yourself. I was like, Oh, Brendon. Selling something. I am. I am selling a challenge. If you want to know what I’m selling here, I’m selling the challenge. I want you to challenge yourself again. I want you to get back in charge. 

2. Keep In Touch With People You Meet

I need to be more conscious. I want you to get in that called zone. I want you to feel so much different. And my challenge to you is to dramatically improve your relationships. I mean, to put that aliveness and that authenticity and that depth. And it’s not about having ten more. It’s about deeper, real fun, engaging, heartfelt, loving relationships. I want you to have those. I want you to be in zero. Listen, some of you have money goals, and you never set a goal for that. Some of you you haven’t had that as a goal for a while. You just got into adulthood and you are doing the adulting thing with the job and the career and the kids and everything. And. And you have casual acquaintances, right? You go walking the thing with kids and the mom and everybody else, you got you to know, you got the crew from the neighborhood. You meet at the Starbucks once in a while and you’re kind of casual about it. Hey, you’re cool. You’re cool. We know each other. Our kids hang out. They’re kind of friends. Whatever. And it’s so surface level that you’re wondering what the hell is life about. You need friends who are alive and authentic and deep and engaging with you. You need like, you know, I call ultra friends all the time. It’s like if you met my friends, I mean, they are ultra, they are funny. They’re up in your grill. They are I mean, none of them in my industry, like my closest friends, I met them a long time ago in San Francisco or in college. They are funny. My current friends in the industry, some of you guys see it on social media. Like everybody in my industry, we’re friends. We get together just to be together. I mean, the rooms that we get together, I’m like, How do you do that? I’m like, Oh, everyone thinks it’s a trick. And like, No, amazing. People want to be with amazing people. That’s why we were all here in Austin. Can I get to hell? Yes. Yeah, it’s over 7 seconds and you’re amazing connection. You’re dying for it. Find it, build it. But please listen to me. I’m sharing something with you. Please listen. Because we think that the most successful, happy people in the world are doing crazy things. These are practices for them. They’re what they say and they’re how often you got it.

3. Practice Connecting Daily

Daily practices to connect. This is why I sent out three voice messages to three different people every single day, praising them often telling a joke, recounting an old story, rekindling that relationship, saying thank you, and cheering them on. I saw you got this going on online. I hope you’re being great. I’m praying for you, you know, and I’ve generated that so many times with so many people that even at this event, I got so many texts from people who I haven’t heard from or seen in years writing me this long. Brendan, I’m praying for you to have the strength and the energy to serve your people. I know how hard that is for that many hours and just these beautiful notes cheering me on because I send it to them. Even people I’ve talked to for a while, I’m that guy who shows up in your life and we can talk for five years. I still remember everything. We have a great time together. I want you to be that for other people. Like we have all these goals to become the millionaire and the billionaire now, and no one has any friends. And you think I’m kidding? Do you know how many really successful people I mean, really successful people forgot that part? And I had mentorship. I didn’t find this out, you know, by myself. Like everything I’m teaching you here, I had the blessing. I came up, you know, seeking out psychologists and personal development people and history people and business people. And I mean, I learned from all the best. And I remember one time. Brian Tracy. You remember Brian Tracy. Oh, Brian, He’s so amazing. And he taught me this. Do you know how some people say it’s lonely at the top? I said, Yeah. He goes If you’re lonely at the top, you did it wrong. I was like, I love that you should never be lonely. 

4. Loneliness Is A Symptom, Not A Cause

We live in a lonely epidemic and you know, we blame loneliness. Have you seen the media vilify loneliness as if loneliness is a problem? There’s this whole thing called cause and effect, right? Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is a consequence of practices. That’s all it is. Loneliness is not a disorder. It’s a symptom of bad practices. And no one wants to say that today because that sounds rude. I’m like, Wait, no, no, loneliness. This hasn’t happened to somebody. Like we forget to whisper that’s able for our relationships. I want you to have vibrant relationships go. I mean, go home and just have like, the most amazing connection with your spouse ever. I’ll talk a lot about that on Saturday, about how to do that in your relationships. Unbelievable. Have unbelievable, deep, connected, intimate, loving, and physical relationships with your spouse or your partner. Have incredible, authentic, alive, fun, joyful relationships and conversations with your friends. Can we make that a goal? Yes. Do I promise you? I promise you. I just change your life.