Defeat is inevitable! Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen. The magic of life is learning to turn disappointment into learning and fuel for taking the next right action.
Here’s how to transform a defeat into momentum:
#1. Allow and Learn. Accept that it happened, and allow yourself a moment to feel disappointed. It’s ok to have higher standards for yourself and when you don’t hit them, take a breather. Then, immediately shift into learning mode. From this experience, what did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about other people? What did you learn about the world? What can you do now?
#2. Set 3 Goals. As soon as the defeat happens, set three goals that same day and go after them. The more momentum you have, the more motivation you’ll feel.
#3.Turn from Self to Service. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about how you can rise to another level of service. How can you help others now? What would be something you could do for another person to save them from the same mis-steps you’ve made? You don’t even have to make helping others related to what you’ve just learned – just serving others in any form will help break your funk and put you back on path to The Charged Life.
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Charged Life with Brendon Burchard. Please note that this episode, like all TCL episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Charged Life has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of Youtube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
How do you turn the feeling of defeat into a success mindset? This applies for those days when you get disappointed, sad, or upset. Maybe someone makes fun of you and all of a sudden, all of your motivation, focus and drive drain out as disappointment sets in. How do you turn it around?
Maybe you went for that big project and you failed; it didn’t work out. You put the video out, and nobody watched it. You did what you’ve been trying to do, but you just didn’t get the accolades or the rewards. Now, you feel defeated, saying, “Screw it. Why even try?”
We’ve got to learn how to change that mindset around so that we can have some more resiliency and motivation. We must keep pursuing our dreams. But the question is how? That’s what this episode is about.
#1. Allow and Learn.
Accept that it happened, that you’re disappointed and that you have higher standards for yourself. Then, immediately shift into learning mode.
From this experience, what did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about other people? What did you learn about the world? What can you do now? Defeat is inevitable. if you are chasing a big mission, big purpose, things that really matter to you, you’re going to have bad days. Allow that.
People want to believe that failure doesn’t exist; that defeat doesn’t exist. It’s just not true.
Failure does exist. We should stop pretending that people don’t fall on their face and feel bad and have bad days. So allow and accept it. When you have a bad day, accept the fact that things didn’t go the way you planned, and that you’re disappointed with the outcome.
Then, immediately shift into learning.
Disappointment immediately goes away as soon as you shift into learning.
Instead of now focusing on the things that went wrong, all the while beating yourself up, go ahead and ask yourself what you’ve learned from the experience.
Start focusing on what you learned, specifically, when you get defeated in your life. I want you to start analyzing what defeated you by posing the questions:
“What did I learn about myself?”
“What did I learn about other people?”
“What did I learn about the world?”
“What can I do about it now?”
That’s how you deal with the disappointments.
Focusing on those questions from any business perspective will help charge you up because you will be focused more on the lessons and what you can do next.
#2. Set 3 Goals. As soon as the defeat happens, set 3 goals that same day and go after them.
The more momentum you have, the more motivation you’ll feel. That motivation can often wipe out the feeling of disappointment, allowing you to more readily move forward.
The action steps can include emailing your team, calling somebody, sending somebody a note or text, or even simply stopping at the grocery store to buy your favorite meal.
Whatever it is, just make sure that as soon as the disappointment happens, you set three goals that very day and do them.
It doesn’t matter what the specific goal is. The idea is to generate momentum.
The more momentum you have, the more motivation you will feel. That motivation can often wipe out that feeling of disappointment and move you forward.
#3.Turn from Self to Service. Start thinking about how you can rise to another level of service. You have the opportunity to serve, and you can choose to challenge yourself to show up with full joy and full heart.
It’s time to stop focusing so much on yourself.
I know it’s easy to stew in your own pain and disappointment. But instead, ask yourself “How can I rise to another level of service?” That’s the question I want you to ask the next day.
Remember that, today, you have the opportunity to serve, and that you can do it with full joy and heart.
Accept that yesterday wasn’t what you wanted it to be, but this day, you’re going to challenge yourself again to serve with full joy and full heart.
These are all essentially internal dialogues I’m talking about. You’re really just looking at the disappointment or the defeat and saying, “Okay, what did I learn about myself, other people and the world and what can I do?”
You’re really just saying, “Okay, what are three steps I can take today that gets more momentum back.”
And you’re really just waking up the next day and saying, “How can I serve even better today?”That might sound so simple, but most people don’t do those things. They stew over their pain, angst, stress, and they never break free. If you ask a different quality of questions, you can live a different quality of life and overcome those disappointments. So, try that next time you feel down or defeated and you will start to experience and live what we call, The Charged Life.