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- “We need something bigger than our impulses to keep us focused. We need something bigger than how we feel to keep us disciplined.”
- Giving into distractions can start to feel like a heavy weight on your shoulders. Here are tips to reframe your focus when you need to conquer distractions the most!
- “No breakthrough is going to come from more judgment.”
- Identifying your WHY and your necessity is what will keep your focus and discipline on track. In this episode’s takeaways, you’ll learn how to focus on what FUELS your dreams!
- Watch the video to get the full training.
- Already have the High Performance Planner and CRUSHING each and every day? Let’s celebrate you! Take a photo with your planner and use #HPXlife or #TeamHPX.
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
Matt: I was officially diagnosed with ADHD as an adult six years ago. And so, I know I’ve had it all my life. I’m curious if you have any tips or words of advice for someone whose brain doesn’t work like everybody else’s.
Matt: I mean, distraction is a huge problem. Discipline is a huge problem. Focus is a huge problem. What do you got?
Brendon: Give me an applause. So good. Nice to meet you, Matt. Now, you talk to a doctor?
Matt: Yes, I have.
Brendon: Tell me what they told you.
Matt: They said that I have adult ADHD. Yes.
Brendon: Aha? And what did they suggest to you?
Matt: I take medication for it. Also try to meditate, and get more sleep, and better sleep, and things like that. Adjust my environment, but that doesn’t work.
Brendon: Do you have family?
Matt: Yes, I do. I have a wife, and a 19 year old son, and a 17 year old daughter.
Brendon: How’s your relationship with them?
Matt: With my kids, it’s great. The last two years with my wife have been rough. We’ve been married for 24 years, together for 29.
Brendon: It’s amazing, absolutely. It’s amazing.
Matt: I started my business, I was speaker and a coach, and I started my business two and a half years ago. Gross household income, whenever that happened, went to a third of what it was the day before. That’s put a magnifying glass on our relationship. So this morning’s talk was phenomenal. Can’t wait to get home. I got the golden ticket, look, look.
Brendon: Who’s going to show your framework to your partner or spouse when you go? So, let’s talk about the focus. Let’s talk about the discipline. Let’s talk about the distraction. Who in the room does not have diagnosed ADHD, but also focus, distraction, discipline is a major issue for you? Can you look around the room? Okay.
Matt: My people.
Brendon: So, let’s—and by the way, first and foremost, please recognize the number of people who raised their hands. Would you all raise your hands again? This is the human condition. You’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. You beat yourself up expecting to be amazing. So, when you see a sea of people from 40 countries raise their hand and go, “Oh, I too have focus and discipline struggles. It’s hard for me”. I want you to feel good about that. I want you to go, “Oh, man, I’m really hard on myself.”
No breakthrough is going to come from more judgment.
No breakthrough is going to come through more judgment.
What the breakthrough is going to come from is another level of self-love and demand.
Now, many of us in our lives—who’s ever had a sudden demand placed on you, and you kicked a** for like, weeks? Now, keep your hand high if you are also one prone to lack of discipline and focus, but you still kicked a**. That was necessity. That’s demand.
We need something bigger than our impulses to keep us focused. We need something bigger than how we feel to keep us disciplined.
When we talk about service, when we talk about dreams, when we talk about mission, the truth of that really is, we need that North Star to get us out of our funks. We need that North Star to get us out of bed. We need that North Star and a connection to it to organize ourselves. I don’t think we have to solve “I have a focus problem,” ’cause you know what? I bet your focus problem is one reason your clients think, “This guy’s pretty creative. I bet you come up with a lot of different solutions, and tools, and frameworks that help people.”
Matt: Oh yeah.
Brendon: Oh yeah? Like you’re good at that?
Matt: That’s some weird sh*t.
Brendon: It’s a wonderful thing. Now, what we just have to do is have that why, that thing that’s going to organize you. And I think you told us all about it. You know, transformation often starts with truth. And what’s the truth that will happen if you don’t handle this a little better? Because it sounds like we’re already having some repercussions.
Matt: Oh, yeah.
Brendon: What do you think that? What is that ultimate truth that you don’t want to happen, that would, if we don’t get this handled a little better?
Matt: Oh, I’m going to lose my college sweetheart who took my breath away the first time I met her. It’s scary.
Brendon: Good man, good man. So, with that emotion, now, tell ’em why you’re not going to let that happen.
Matt: I guess because I can’t.
Brendon: Why won’t you let it happen? What’s so important about her, and you two together?
Matt: She’s all I’ve ever known. I was 19 years old, and despite my best efforts, raised two amazing kids. I’m not sure how we did that. I tried like hell to screw ’em up but it didn’t work.
Brendon: Who wants to hang out on Saturday night with Matt? Sometimes discipline, sometimes distraction is really a disconnection on a daily basis of what matters. We’re creating weird sh*t, but not saying: What’s important for me today to ensure I don’t screw up this relationship in this life? What matters today? What matters today? Not what big idea is not—what matters today for me to save this thing, for me to contribute to this thing? ‘Cause that’s why—listen, all everybody in this room—you had a demand on yourself. And the hardest thing about high performers and coaches, especially those of us who are creative, is either that demand gets put on us, or we have to find and access that demand with purpose, service, saving a relationship, being a better role model for the kids. I’m not so worried about you being distracted during the day. I’m worried about you having disconnected mornings, from what matters. I need you to have that morning of connection with what matters. I need you to sit there, and carve the time to go, then meditate on why I love her so much, and why I will fight for her so much, and why I’ll be a good role model for these kids. ‘Cause you’re the one who has to put that demand on yourself, not fear it will happen over here, but to put the demand on ourselves in the morning.
And it’s not comfortable ’cause no one loves that demand. But if you don’t put it on yourself on the daily, you lose the week. And then you say, “I’m unfocused.” Nah, you didn’t put the demand on yourself on the daily. It’s why even me, a very unfocused guy, I have that card, who needs me on my A game? I look at that every day. Before I work, who needs me on my A game? And I know if I’m not at my A game, people get hurt. A family gets hurt. My team gets hurt, and I won’t let that happen. And I feel that emotion that strengthens you, you won’t let it happen either. You won’t let it happen. Not if you touch it every day. Not if you did what we just did. Not as you go, “I will not lose her. She means the world to me. These kids who I didn’t screw up, God bless them. Let me earn them now.” ‘Cause you know what? Maybe they’re so good to make you start earning ’em now.
Brendon: So, now, tell me with that Matt. You’re my coach.
Matt: I’m his coach.
Brendon: I’m Brendon.
Matt: Hi, Brendon, I’m Matt.
Brendon: Matt, I’m struggling with daily discipline and focus. All this weird sh*t going on. And I’ve done my best to screw up some relationships, and man, I don’t know what I should do. What do you think I should do? What would you tell me to do? From your heart. Not what I said, from your heart, from your heart. Tell me.
Matt: I would ask you, “what do you really want?” And make sure that you know what that is. And then, I would say, “Okay. How are you going to get that? What’s it going to take? And if you’ve identified these things that are getting in your way, who can support you? Who can help you? What structures can you put in place?”
Brendon: And what if you tell me all that, and I don’t do it? What do I do then? You got it.
Matt: Well, that’s what we just discussed. Get focused in the morning so that you focus on the day so you don’t lose the week, which is pretty powerful statement.
Brendon: Walk with me a minute. So, put that microphone down. Let’s walk. We’re walking and talking. Now, Matt, I’m your buddy. We’re going to go out on Saturday. And Matt, we’re friends, and I’m going to tell you. My relationship’s in a sh*tter a little bit, buddy. And it’s not going so good at work, you know? What do I need to do?
Matt: Well, Brendon, what do you want to do? Do you, I mean, if it’s not going good at work, is it work? If it’s not going good at home, do you want to be with her? Is that important?
Brendon: She’s the most important.
Matt: Well then, you’re going to have to fight for her.
Brendon: Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go. It’s Matt, ladies and gentlemen. You got it, that was it. Appreciate it, amazing. That was it.