- “Passions and interests emerge from actions. Not contemplations.”
- Ready to find your passion? In this episode, learn why it’s important to live an active life in pursuit of your interests!
- “Don’t fear judgment. And don’t keep pressing down, suppressing, or quieting your passions to try to fit in, to try to be liked. Share what you love, share your passions.”
- Don’t ignore what lights you up! Learn how to embrace your passions and friends who encourage them along the way!
- Watch the video to get the full training.
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
You don’t just sit around and contemplate, “what am I passionate about” and come up with something, you need to experience a menu of the world a little bit and go, “oh, I like this, just like I never knew I’d like sushi.”
I never sat in a room one day in Montana and went, “I like sushi.” No, I had to go experience culinary from all over the place. And I went to a sushi place like, I’m a guy that likes sushi.
And now if you hang out with me, that’s what I’m passionate about, sushi. I never thought in a room I’d be passionate about sushi one day. I had it and became passionate about it.
You find your passions by living an active life.
Here’s my question to people all the time and stuns them. How often does your passion show up in a group setting every week? Well, if it’s not, that explains why the bonds of the groups that you’re around aren’t that deep yet.
You have to both inject your passion into conversations so people actually know what you think about, what you’re interested in, what you’re deeply thoughtful about.
I want you to write this down: All of my friends should know my passions. All of them. Otherwise, they’re strangers. All your friends. I’m a person like, if you know me, you’re going to know my passions real fast and people say, “But I can’t tell my family this, they think that, or I can’t tell her that.” They think that and I’m like, what are we in high school? Are you really holding back your passions based on what someone else will think? That’s OK. In high school, once you hit 18, that’s no longer allowed. Now, that’s just called sabotaging yourself for no reason whatsoever other than your internal fears of embarrassment, which, by the way, shouldn’t last that long after 18 years old, not when you’re doing the personal development work.
Get over that. It’s OK. Everyone should know. And if they have judgment, guess what? They also judged your clothes today. They also judged your hair today. They judge your website. Who cares? Why is everyone so scared about judgment?
The less you are worried about judgment, the greater friends you have.
You know what, I want people to reject me. Because if I’m not in their tribe or I’m not their guy, great, I don’t have to go spend a bunch of time trying to build a relationship with somebody who’s like that.
So don’t fear the judgment. And don’t keep pressing down, suppressing, or quieting your passions to try to fit in, to try to be liked. Share what you love, share your passions.
And if you’re someone who’s like, “but I don’t have any passions or any friends,” it’s like, OK, well, your job is to go have adventures in the world and put yourself in new novel situations to discern what you like.
I’m sure many of you guys get the questions too, from younger kids, teens, or people in their 20s who ask you, “I don’t know what my passions are.” And what do you always say? Go do stuff.
Passions and interests emerge out of actions. Not contemplations.
When you don’t have passions, we just have to get more menu in front of you. This is why you’re always growing your network and your relationships to discern, like a lot of people hope their purpose just lands on them, like your purpose is found out in the world.
Your purpose is found by living. And choosing how you want to live and living a purposeful life and more purpose shows up, if you want deeper relationships with people, you’re going to have to uncover your passions. You have to express those passions and you’re going to have to elicit their passions.
Does anyone have a friend who talks on and on and on about something that you aren’t passionate about at all? Anyone out there? Encourage them. Keep listening. Don’t we all need friends like that? It’s important for you to listen to other people’s passions.
I have one friend that is so passionate. I mean, insane, like he has an otherworldly passion about video games. Now, I haven’t played a video game in so long… I don’t even know how to use the controllers. Anyone else have that? You ever go to your friend’s house and their kids pop out the video game, they hand it to you and you get this controller and it’s like a spaceship and you don’t even know what it does. That’s me.I don’t know. I don’t know how to play a video game. I’m not interested in video games at all. Like it’s not even I’m not even interested in it. And I have this friend. We will go out and he will tell me about video games for like 90 minutes. And I’m so interested. Because that’s his passion. When someone is talking about passion, you know, you say, “Tell me more.” It doesn’t have to be your passion. Stop listening for what you want to be an experience and who you are and honor and see the other.
Their passions, their ideas, their goals, their concerns. That’s how to win friends and influence people. You knew I was coming after that Dale Carnegie, didn’t you? You knew I was going to drop it in there. I know you knew I was going to give me some Dale Carnegie, even here, how to win friends and influence people. Let me summarize the whole book. Be interested in other people. It’s like a 300 page book, five words describe it. Be interested in other people. That’s how you win friends and influence people.
Stop listening through the lens of only your interests and your passions and start opening up to hearing and encouraging others.
And listen. If you talk to me, if you and I go out, I’m like this. I’m just taking it in. I keep bringing it. Keep bringing it. Just shovel it all my way. Keep bringing it. And you’re like yeah, but Brendon, people shovel their stuff on me. I’m like, nope. The bad stuff goes right over here. The good stuff goes right in here. It’s like just keep bringing it like you. If you want to be a great friend, you elicit. You elicit their passions, and I don’t think people talk about the passions enough, and obviously I’m a personal development guy. So I have a high opinion about this. Oh, my goodness. I think it’s so important to be passionate.
You have to experience the world to elicit other people’s passion. You have to talk about what they’ve experienced in the world, learn their stories, listen to what interests them. You have to pull in the conversation, their passion, their interests, their ideas.
I know I’m being repetitive here a little bit, but I think we really need a reset on this one, a real reset, because if you think about your favorite friends to be around at the parties, they’re passionate. It doesn’t mean they’re extroverted. It doesn’t mean they’re extemporaneous speakers.
I have a friend who, just I can’t even believe this guy. He’s a friend and a mentor. He’s like 58-years-old and every time he talks, he just looks at his shoes. And he’s not loud. He’s not clownish like me. He’s just super internal and thoughtful. But everything he’s so passionate about is saying he just likes that he’s just passionate, barely moves his passion and just hearing his voice isn’t. And he talks like this. And I wanted to pep up a little bit, but he doesn’t need to. His passion is there. And I connect with him on that.
You’ll follow passion.