- “If the people around you don’t ever sense fulfillment if the people around you don’t imbue moments with meaning, then now you’re left to do all the hard work.”
- Searching for deeper, more meaningful relationships in your life? In this episode, learn tactful ways to strengthen your relationships and find more fulfillment in the conversations you share with those people.
- “The people we surround ourselves with should be people who understand life’s meaning, who are seeking it out, people who want to feel fulfilled, do good things, be role models because those people lift us up.”
- In this episode, discover how to level up your circle of influence so you can live a life of impact, meaning, and fulfillment.
- Watch the video to get the full training.
- Already have the High Performance Planner and CRUSHING each and every day? Let’s celebrate you! Take a photo with your planner and use #GrowthDay so we can find you on social media!
HOT NEWS & DEALS!
If you want to level up personally and professionally, High Performance System is the resource you need. The High Performance System will guide you through developing and implementing the 6 science-backed habits that will move the needle from ordinary to extraordinary. Develop the habits that lead to long-term success, positive relationships, and healthy well-being! Get the High Performance System!
Make self-improvement a way of life and get the GrowthDay app! GrowthDay features all your personal development tools, coaching and community in one place. Write your journal, track your habits, take wellness challenges, watch live influencers teaching new life strategies, and join a global community of positive and supportive high achievers excited to improve their lives! Get the app on Apple app store here. Get on Android here. Get desktop here.
DID YOU KNOW?
I give weekly prizes, gratitude and shout-outs to our students, so post a screenshot or video on Instagram and use #TheBrendonShow! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts about this episode!
[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Brendon Show. Please note that this episode, like all TBS episodes, features Brendon speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited. Filmed in one take, The Brendon Show has become one of the most viewed unscripted, direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of YouTube. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in the Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.)
Be committed to building the circle of influence that you deserve in your life at this stage of your life. You have to be conscientious about it. You got to get at it because when those people around you are living a life of impact and meaning and fulfillment, it lifts you up. Because sometimes you will drown in your own discouragement and it is your circle of influence, the people around you, the people in your network who can help draw you out of that faster, and that is something to be grateful for.
1. Be Real and Authentic With Others
Our job in our relationships is to create real, authentic, caring interactions. Real, authentic, caring. Write it down: real, authentic, caring. Real means that we are being who we really are in that relationship, right? We are being real with that person. We’re speaking our real thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires, needs. We understand and hear their real thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, and dreams. We validate it. We appreciate it. We are acknowledging it. That’s being real with one another, right? We’re meeting each other as two people who are separate. We’re coming together, creating a real connection based on actual honesty and trust that comes from sharing one of those real thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, needs. That’s real. Authentic. Authentic means: oh, this relationship is unique to us. So often we’re taught in the modern world, authenticity is about us because we all think of authenticity now as like social media. Am I showing up “real” on my social media?
But in real life, in family dynamics or sociology, authenticity is about the relationship. It’s, it’s “I am authentic with myself in relationship with my sister. We have an authentic relationship. And my relationship with my mom is different. We have an authentic relationship. An authentic relationship with my mother means different things and an authentic relationship with my sister” as an example. Right? Each person, you have a team. If you treat each person on the team exactly the same because you’re always authentic, that’s not an authentic relationship. An authentic relationship is that relationship with them is real and unique to them. It’s authentic with that person. That’s what we’re talking about here.
2. Develop Depth in Your Relationships
Um, we’ve got to be able to have, on top of this realness or this authenticity, this sense that there’s a depth or an intimacy in that relationship. Depth would be like, “Oh, I know things about this person”. Intimacy could mean the same thing, which means there’s a depth there that can be physical as well. But I think depth or intimacy in sharing with one another is really important. I think most people don’t have fulfilling relationships because they don’t have deep relationships. They’re always talking about surface things. They’re talking about what’s on TV, they’re talking about the weather, they’re talking about what’s in the media, they’re talking about the comparison to other people, but they never talk about the meaning of life. I would say you, you barely know a person until you’ve talked about the meaning of life with someone because what do you really know if you’re not connected or understanding what their sense of purpose is or where they draw fulfillment or meaning from? So, this whole conversation we’re having today, if you had conversations like this with your family, think about how deeper those relationships would be. I know some of you are laughing right now because you can imagine never having this conversation with your family. Hah! I totally understand. But I think it’s important that we say, “okay, if I want to have a great relationship, they’ve got to be real. They’ve got to be trusting. They’ve got to be intimate. They’ve got to be deeper”.
3. Surround Yourself With People Striving For Better Relationships
And the more I would say this, I was talking with Denise actually about this topic this morning, and she was like, when she thinks about meaning and fulfillment, her first go-to is relationships. First go-to.
Because, you know, if the people around you don’t ever sense fulfillment, if the people around you don’t imbue moments with meaning, then now you’re left to do all the hard work.
And if you haven’t done personal development work before, what ends up happening is you kind of just take what’s given to you. And I think it’s important that we realize
the people we surround ourselves with should be people who understand life’s meaning, who are seeking it out, people who want to feel fulfilled, do good things, be role models because those people lift us up.
Those people reconnect. Has anyone had an interaction with somebody in the last year or two who reminded you about the blessings or the importance of life? And when you’re around those people, everything changes. I was so blessed. My entire twenties I spent with a lot of old, older people, a generation above two above mine. And so I was a volunteer, so I did a lot of volunteering, and I spent a lot of time with groups like, you know, Kiwanis International or Rotary Club members, YMCA. And, you know, most of those folks we hung out with were like in their sixties and above. And they’re always saying, “Kid, you don’t realize how lucky you have it. You know, kid, make sure you drink. Take it all in, kid. You know, what? Life is so precious”, they were always saying,
I was around them my entire twenties, people telling me about the value and the beauty and the importance and the blessing of life. All the time. All the time. I mean, constantly, every weekend, and volunteering all the time. And you know what? That’s why I feel like, wow, I don’t feel like I’ve had any disconnect from that for 20 years. Because I was around so much. Because remember, the people around you, shape your meaning. Yes, it’s individual. Yes, we can take control of it. Yes, we can define it. But you know what? No matter what some of those things get through, your environment shapes you because you’re soaking it. And so make sure the relationships you have are high quality. “Now Brendon, you don’t understand, my spouse, who he’s a doozy” people will say.
4. Expand Your Social Circles
You know, it’s like if you’re around people who aren’t like this, the job isn’t to get rid of them and throw them away. The job is to go build that group somewhere else. To find that, to find that, to build it. If you didn’t get it right and you didn’t just luckily fall into a group, I didn’t have that. I grew up in a town that had been economically depressed for a century. I grew up in a town that had a survival mindset but was also very aggressive and competitive. There wasn’t a whole lot of talk about these things, and I had to go find and build it. I had to start going to personal development seminars. I had to engage with higher achievers. I had to look for people who had fulfillment in their lives no matter what they were doing. And I had to seek them out. And I made that choice. I made that decision. I said I’m going to create an awesome group of people to be around in my life. I don’t know how but I can do networking. I mean, your volunteering, I’m going to ask to be around people and I’m going to get mentors and I’m going to make sure that I surround myself with people who care about life, who want to live meaningful and fulfilling lives, who want to lead, who want to make a difference. And I can’t think of a single person at all in my entire life today. That decision was 25 years ago. For me, I can’t think of a single person with who I have a consistent or recurring communication within my entire life. Who isn’t like that now? Every person to a person to a T, every person I interact with has some sense of that or they don’t get in my world. It doesn’t mean I’m unfair or discounting people. It just means I’m not going to let that stuff into my head. And I don’t say that I’m perfect. I say it took me 20 years. Like I said, that’s going to be a goal. I’m going to get there and I want you to have that goal. Like the people around you should be. So fulfilled and so happy and grateful for their lives. And you got to find that you got to lead, that you got to cultivate, that you got to talk about that. I think fulfillment should be a topic that people talk about every single month or life.
5. Discuss Fulfillment With Others
If you’re in a relationship with someone, ask your spouse or your partner, “Hey, do you feel fulfilled?” And just hold that space. If they don’t feel fulfilled, ask why — get to know them, understand what they’re really looking for, encourage them to go in the direction that will bring them that fulfillment. Encourage them, you know, at the end of the bad day, when you hear them, send a sentence of negative self-talk or meaning after meaning, that’s catastrophic, terrible negative, awful. Be that encouragement, be that person who helps them. Maybe think about or become more aware of that self-talk or those labels or that meaning you can do without judgment, but you can also be committed to building the circle of influence that you deserve in your life. At this stage of your life, you have to be conscientious about it. You got to get at it because when those people around you are living a life of impact and meaning and fulfillment, it lifts you up. I have down days and then I talk to somebody in my circle and it’s like, whoa, it just kind of resets my brain a little bit. And I go, Oh, I’ve been speaking negatively. Oh, I’ve been thinking small for all of it. And All right, okay. Yeah, I am lucky. I’m blessed. Oh, my gosh. Let’s go. Brendon and I get back on because sometimes you will drown in your own discouragement and it is your circle of influence. The people around you, the people in your network who can help draw you out of that faster. And that is something to be grateful for.